Thursday, November 3, 2011


Ok, so it's weird to me when I think about how far I've come. In my 6 or so years in "adult" world or the real world as most say, I feel as if I have endured and experienced enough to know that I am a COMPLETELY different person today than I was then. And I'm mostly talking about my mind. I see things very differently than I did before. I'll be honest, too, I am very bitter and I take things with a grain of salt. I can give the run down to what I believe brought me to be so bitter but that's not the topic at hand. The topic I want to discuss is that, with all the cynicism I possess and all the hatred I have for society and it's rules, and all the bitterness inside of me for things in the past, how is it that I still believe in the magic of love?

I've noticed and recognize my gradual decent into the pit of cynicism and sarcasm and my excuse to calling it "Keeping it real" or just plain being "realistic." I've done a pretty good job at convincing myself to not have romanticized ideals about the world. Nothing ever turns out like the movies. And trust me when I say, I went through the emotion trials to get through it and now I can say I'm numb to the disappoint. I live my life day to day "keeping it real" and not expecting a happy ending. But something weird stuck from my younger, idealistic days. As a 24 year old who have never been in a real romantic relationship past 2 weeks, I somehow still have hope for that special someone.

I said magic earlier because I honestly do believe it has to be magic. I believe that when I do find someone, that they will magically find me as well. I know that magically as I will be crazy about them, they will be about me. I know that it has to be magic that makes them want to be with me at all times, as I know it HAS to be magic that that fact will not annoy me. It has to be magic that someone would see my faults and flaws as something that is beautiful about me. It's magic for me to love a person who is flawed but for me to be blind to it. It has to be magic that anyone could love me. It has to be magic that I could love someone who I feel loves me for me. It has to be magic.

But what's really magic about all of that I do believe it will happen. Someday.