Sunday, February 6, 2011

Good Hair.

This is the old as time issue with black people, mainly women, but men are guilty of it too but it's the issue of hair. Everyone has a take on it, there are so many articles and essays on it. Chris Rock did a movie about it and even Tyra did a whole show on it. We black people have an issue with our hair...but I don't talk for the people. I talk for myself. Here goes my issues with MY hair.

I remember when I was younger, all I'd be able to get was a bald fade. It was the staple. When it'd get too long, I thought I looked nappy and dirty, especially with the grease I had to keep in it, since I had dry scalp and would have flakes. I remember to jazz it up, I'd have our barber (may he rest in peace) stylize me a part, mostly putting my name in my hair. I thought I was the shit with my fancy parts that everyone noticed and commented on. The. SHIT.

I had a little cousin who is half white and had straight black hair. I used to say "I want my hair like that." Another cousin explained how, if I got a perm, then it would. I'd see a music artist on TV with straight hair and I was like, "Yeah, I should." Of course, my mother wouldn't let me, so bald fade it would stay.

When I was in the 7th grade, another cousin had got an S-Curl and I was amazed. Stunned by the sleek texture and defined curls. How jazzy it looked with the baby hair on the edges. I HAD to do it. So the summer between my 7th and 8th grade year, I snuck a ride to Walgreens and purchased one. It being the summer, I had no excuse to go get a hair cut and told everyone I was growing my hair out to get braids. I did the process and was amazed! I felt...pretty...lol I kept it secret by picking it out when every my mother was around but she soon noticed the texture. She was surprisingly ok with it and as for my father, he dished it as a phase.

I kept up with it buying more and more products. It'd get longer and longer, til I just didn't want to deal with it. SO I cut it, only to miss it and grow it out again. As I got older, I tried different style and cuts and even straight perms with my hair. I was nevfer really happy ever how it looked. I had decided to get my hair braided while I lived in town on campus but a professional African hair shop. I had always heard they braided best. I am very tender-headed so braiding has alway been painful but this pain, was like no other. They braided so tight, you could visibly see the tension in my skin. At one braid, it looked that my skin was twisting. I took it out a week later because I couldn't take it and it wasn't loosening up enough. When I did, so much of my hair fell out. I took it out so fast, it wasn't neat and was left too kinky for me to try to comb out so I just cut it off. But all my hair didn't grow back.

Male pattern balding hadn't even been on my mind, since my dad didn't seem to have it. People used to tell me because all the chemicals I put in my hair, it was going to happen but I never believed them. But it was the fact...I was 21 and balding at my temples. I I grew my hair any how and it got to a point where it was either covered or the small hairs that did grow got thick enough that it didn't seem bad. I would listen to India.Aire and her message that we are not our hair and I'd think, you know what, I'm not and I'd cut it off again...only to feel ugly again.

I come from Gay World which is dominated by guys and their unique hairstyles that I surely notice and figure, with a bald head, no one will notice me...but at the same time I know I shouldn't let hair define me. I keep bouncing back and forth and don't really know what to do. I hate that my natural being isn't good enough and I hate that I don't think I have good hair that is acceptable with society. It's one thing to be ok with oneself but we live in a world based on interactions and if someone else isn't ok with you, how to do you live? How am I going to live? I'm already alone enough and this is just the issue with my hair....oh vey...