Thursday, August 5, 2010

It was...different.

Gay "Dating" is something completely separate from heterosexual courting. When a young gay discovers this, he becomes completely enthralled into the world without much agony when it comes to "dating." Why? Because the difference is in gay dating, it's just sex.

I don't really have the time, etiquette, or basis to really do a just analysis on it but the general idea is: We are men with raging hormones. We like other men with those same hormones. We know what we ultimately want and we skip the bull in between to get it. Now when that young gay discovers this, he evades the notion of heart break, and the like when someone tries to court, starts to date, and you know, falls in love. They are just happy to be fuckin' and it's cool to be like "Yeah, everybody wants to fuck!" But, see...I'm making it to the point where...I know what world I live in, I know that trying to follow heterosexual rules of courtship in Gay World will never work, no matter how hard I try, guys just want to why do I want it to...

Now, before I get ahead of myself, yes, plenty of gay couples work, there wouldn't be such a civil issue right now about gay marriage if it didn't. But there are so many steps to get there...from what I can tell. Sure, it works both ways, you have to be physically attractive to someone in either orientation before anyone can even really get to like you. But what I'm talking about is the romance. The courting as I said before. What's wrong with that in Gay World? Again, not like it NEVER happens, just...not to me...this is my blog, goddamn, let me be selfish and unaware all I want...thank you.

I once met a guy online. He was visiting from out of state where he was stationed in the Navy. His family was here and as most gay travelers, was looking for a quick thrill. I invited him over "to watch a movie." He came. Totally cute white boy, dark hair, tall, with baby blue eyes, average build with a deep voice. He was a little ghetto, which I really liked. We didn't really "watch" the movie, as it just provided background noise for our flirting and eventual naked session. He was the first guy I've ever seen with a Prince Albert...I made SUCH the issue of it...but eh...I got over it, what it was attached to was GORGEOUS...but that's not the point I wanted to make...he spent the night and in the morning, it was...different...he was exceptionally sweet for a regular hook up. It was strange to me how he kissed me goodbye. It was soft. Sweet. Unexpected.

Now, I've never been a "phone talker." Not one to talk on the phone with someone til dawn the next day. To this day, my monthly bill detail is usually under 50 minutes usage a month. But something about talking to him. Was different. I can't even begin to tell you what all we talked about but I do remember never really searching for a topic to keep the momentum. I just remember being on the phone with him at every chance I got. We'd text during my work and classes. And then be up all night talking. When I would go out with my friends or something, he'd ask me to tell them thank you for taking me out. Now, I know how corny as hell that sounds. But from him and at the time, it was the sweetest thing I've heard. And it sounded genuine.

This lasted for maybe a month, if I recall. The thing was, he lived in Florida. It just wasn't going to work out and we mutually decided that it just wasn't really worth it. I had my life here, he had just bought a house in Florida. As much as we really liked each other, it just wasn't realistic. We still talk from time to time, but mostly we've lost touch, which is fine. My take-away from the time we did spent "together" is that no matter what world rules I decide to follow or not, if I'm lucky enough to find that guy that makes me blush, keep me up til 6am, make me feel like I don't have to be anyone else for him to like me 4 states away...or even make me not feel alone even though no one is around me, then I should take it as it is.

I haven't met anyone like that since, and I'm currently catching myself trying to force it. But this memory keeps my hopes of these days, I know it's gonna happen again.